Who *wouldn't* fuck Pete Davidson?
Hump Day Motivation 11/3/21
Welcome to the Hump Day Motivation (HDM), a bi-weekly edition of Gangletown. Hump Day is all about the things that make me happy, hopeful, and horny. So buckle up, and enjoy a mid-week digital wiggle!
The Moment: Halloween
Happy Belated Halloween, hookers. Did you dress up? Were you spooky scary, or were you like…a sexy little muffin? Or…Were you a sexy unicorn? OH! Were you a sexy cantaloupe? Were you a sexy tarantula? Were you a sexy sofa? Were you a sexy margarita on the rocks? Were you a sexy Scooby-Doo? Were you a sexy librarian? Were you a sexy pair of tweezers? Were you a sexy portobello mushroom? Were you a sexy malware? Were you a sexy legume? Were you a sexy tire pump? Were you a sexy bill from the laboratory that runs the numbers on your blood work every three months after your PrEP check-up? Were you a sexy strip light? Were you a sexy election for the city comptroller? Were you a sexy shiplap inspired by Chip and Joanna? Were you a sexy bottle of Welbutrin? Were you a sexy receipt for a two-pack of soiled thong underwear? Were you a sexy travel-sized bidet? Were you a sexy flea-repelling shampoo? Were you a sexy never-before-seen piece of visual art by Jean-Michel Basquiat exhibited behind Beyoncé and her husband? Were you a sexy set of veneers stolen by a pelican and then dropped into the ocean, only to become the habitat for a lonely hermit crab with a dream? Were you a sexy hanging chad?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, I’d like to invite you to my home to discuss literally anything because you are my people.
I did not dress up for Halloween. Blaine and I had vague plans to attend one of the big gay dance parties on the border of Brooklyn and Queens, but he had a sensible chunk of his leg taken out by the dermatologist (shh, he’s fine), so we ultimately decided against going out. Something about his Frankenstein's Monster-leg didn’t seem like the right fit.
I’m not a Halloween queer, sadly. I’ve had a small few moments in my life in which I took a little time to plan/execute something, but mostly I’m a phone-it-in or ignore it altogether kind of guy. The last time I pulled it together was 2018 for Ptown’s Spooky Bear with our Brooklyn Girls. We had a multi-lewk weekend, but the official “Costume” theme that year, for us, was (sexy?) scary movie villain. I went as Patrick Bateman.
To be honest, though, I didn’t have a costume planned for this year’s party. I would have inevitably grabbed something stupid from our drag bag, tossed on a harness, and come on up with a dumb one-liner to work as a stand-in for any actual effort. For example, one year, I went to a friend’s house party wearing my usual business casual drag and told everyone that I was a "white guy in middle management on the verge of an existential crisis.” In my defense, I also wore cat ears? It made people uncomfortable.
Anyway, I applaud all of you that actually made real costumes happen. I appreciate them and revel in the glory of your labor.
The Music: Måneskin and Hot Milk
I’ve said this before, but I’ve been reconnecting with my punk/pop-punk/alt-rock roots a lot lately. My young teenage years were filled with the deliciously moody crooning of bands like Good Charlotte, Yellowcard, Mae, Taking Back Sunday, Mest, Pennywise, The Clash, Nirvana, Senses Fail, Simple Plan, Fall Out Boy, Motion City Soundtrack, Panic! at the Disco, and many more. I would see these bands with my friends in Orlando, and sometimes closer to home, as often as possible. Sadly, sometime in college, my tastes shifted a little bit, and I lost touch with my punky-rocky truth. This year, though, I’ve been rediscovering my love for these genres and trying to find more current bands.
I’ve listened to a lot of playlists, taste-testing as much as I can, and a few bands have stood out. I’ve been digging some of the most mainstream bands/artists in the genres like jxdn, blackbear, and Machine Gun Kelly, who all mix in elements of hip-hop. I’ve also really been loving how many more female voices there are now. In “my day,” I wasn’t as privy to so many female-led artists in the pop-punk world. Some examples are Charlotte Sands, Yours Truly (the vibes are SO strong with this one), Willow (the latest album), LøLø.
The two individual bands that I’ve been coming back to the most, though, are Måneskin and Hot Milk.
Måneskin is an Italian rock band that exploded in 2021 after winning Eurovision. Chances are, you might have heard a song of two of theirs on the radio, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve never heard of them at all. Their lead singer Damiano has strong queer vibes, though I don’t know if he quite has a specific identity (yet). My shallow googles also reveal that most of the band is queer in some way. Either way, there is strong traditional “rock star” energy with these peeps, not to mention a decidedly bonertown vybe.
And then there is Hot Milk. Which is a comedically perfect band name? Like, “what’s your band called?” “HOT MILK.” I live. Hot Milk self-describes as “…an emo power-pop duel fronted band from Manchester, England.” The “emo” part is alive and well in their lyrics. There are lots of sad vibes, and one of their most popular songs is literally titled I Think I Hate Myself… So. Yeah. But! I love this group the most because the lead vocal is split between a male and a female singer. The mix works great for the mood.
Thirst: Pete Davidson?
Alright. The internet is now obsessing over whether Pete Davidson is banging it out with Kim Kardashian. Which, like, okay. It’s an interesting thing, I guess? The actual narrative, though, is not just that Pete might be turning out the Kardashian, but that he has been turning and burning hot, intelligent, successful celebrity women like none other. Examples include Ariana Grande (hot), Kate Beckinsale (hot), and Kaia Gerber (hot). Some are even comparing him to Warren Beatty.
The whole thing is perplexing people for some reason, but I don’t get why.
Pete is funny. Funny people are hot. Hot people bang it out.
Pete is also a rock star, even if he doesn’t really make music. Rock stars are hot. Hot people bang it out.
Pete is also a total sad-boy tortured type, and some people are into that kind of thing.
And he’s smart!
And, according to every rumor on the planet, he’s probably got a baseball bat or magic wand in his between-me-downthere!
So like. It all tracks.
Pete is hot. Kim is objectively also hot. Hot people bang it out.
What’s the drama again?
The real question is - would you fuck Pete Davidson?
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For the official record, - Yes.
I wouldn't kick him out of bed on a slow news day.