ME?! Finally on Grey's?
a morbid fantasy
Welcome to gangletown’s “Monday Edition,” where each week you’ll receive original writing by David Kimple. If that is good for your vybe and you’d like access to everything gangletown has to offer, check out subscription options here.
Not too long ago, I wrote about getting my new job and all the changes that the experience had already created in my life. Shortly after that, I made light of my truly heinous experience with allergies and sinus infections this year. And today? Well, I am consumed by both joy and horror to report that both things are still taking up the vast majority of my brain space.
Let’s start with the nightmare-mucus.
Folx, whatever thing that crawled into my allergy/sinus situation this year and died seems to have taken up permanent residence. Like a ghost, determined to haunt an old dusty house for all eternity, this sinus infection refuses to move on. For the longest time, I thought it was just allergies and that it would cool down, but I was wrong. Apparently, my face is the most hospitable host in all of humanity, and it is my destiny to live this way…forever?
Here is a visual representation of what it feels like to be me while sleeping:
If this is still going on in a week, I will assume it’s finally my turn to have a full-on Grey’s Anatomy-style single-episode arc.
I will go to the emergency room where I say something like, “I just need a Z-pack.” only to be told that, in fact, I have to get a CT, which reveals a subdural hematoma and an inoperable tumor…
But! Because of my inspiring story about going after what I want with this new job, which I will tell via a microphone while I am sitting in the spaceship-like CT scanner, I will passively imbue the intern/resident/attending covering my case with a sense of optimism and possibility. They will then think of something pretty obvious, and it will be revealed that my tumor has become operable, but the procedure will be experimental, and the risk will be high. I will say yes, because, though I’m a nihilist, I do feel I have unfinished business.
No less than twenty minutes later, my doctor will help to wheel me into surgery, where I will intuit their exact emotional journey in a succinct and emotional monologue. I will cry, but then I will make a joke. My doctor will really see me, and their identity and my identity will become one and the same.
During the procedure, the tumor will reveal itself to be much worse than my scans showed, and the entire plan will go out the window. I’ll throw a bleed, and my doctor will freeze for a long slow-motion moment of internalized chaos and a conveniently placed flashback. They will come to just in time to try something seemingly insane, before cutting to commercial.
I will die on the table, and my story - that of a man who came to the hospital with a sinus infection and died in what would have been a career-defining and award-winning (Harper-Avery / Catherine Fox obviously) procedure- will haunt my doctor, for no less than a twelve-episode run, almost leading them to true rock-bottom. Ultimately, though, my story will serve as the case that helps them realize they don’t want to specialize in neuro anymore; they want to do…general surgery.
Anyway…
In real life, I’m just still sick with this dumb sinus allergy bullshit, and it is clouding my brain up like crazy. Today, I finally got a prescription from my amazing doctor (who is high-key hot), and hopefully, that will solve things. If not, tune in to ABC for the season 319 premiere of Grey’s in the fall, and you’ll see a familiar face.
And the other stuff? The work stuff? It’s still going well. Am I a little overwhelmed, experiencing some gnarly imposter syndrome, and finding myself staring at the walls with exaggeratedly wide eyes for long stretches of time? Yes. But am I also still feeling good.
The only thing that troubles me is what happened because of the combination of these circumstances.
Last Monday, I didn’t publish anything in Gangletown. It was the first time in nearly a year that I missed one of my deadlines and didn’t find a way to overcome it. In fact, I missed two deadlines because last Monday was the last day of the month. So, I missed a Monday Edition and a Favorite Things Edition…Oi!!
I was just a bit too over-stimulated with work, numb with a brain-face poltergeist, and desperate to allow myself some small semblance of weekend normalcy during my “off” time over the long weekend. For those who open every post and respond with words of empathy, sympathy, and support, I’m sorry I failed to meet the commitment last week. Thank you for forgiving me and continuing to engage with the grande experiment that is Gangletown. This is a place of immense joy and pride in my world, and your presence means the world.
For those on the all-access list (available to anyone via paid subscription or for free by request [because money is stupid]), I’ll be back in your inboxes this week with a little extra love to make up for the lost time.
-Wednesday, June 9th - Hump Day Motivation
-Friday, June 11th - Favorite Things (May 2021) ((Late))
If you love what’s happening here, will you consider sharing this week’s Gangletown (or another piece from the archives) directly with one person? It is the best way to help as Gangletown grows. You can also follow & tag me on social media @DKimps.
Sending all the sinus love! 💜💜💜