Welcome to gangletown’s “Monday Edition,” where each week you’ll receive original writing by David Kimple. If that is good for your vybe and you’d like access to everything gangletown has to offer, check out subscription options here.
I haven't completed a new full-length play in like a year and a half. But I have written about 80 very silly 3-5 minute plays like this one. So that still counts, right?
[CAMEISHA enters with luggage and a plastic bag of snacks. She waits.]
[CYNDEE walks on. They see each other. They hug and scream with excitement.]
BOTH: AHHHHHHHHH!
CYNDEE: Oh my god girl I am so excited.
CAMEISHA: You have no idea, I have been looking forward to this trip for months.
CYNDEE: Get ready, Mexico!!!! Beaches, beverages, boys boys boys.
CAMEISHA: Okay okay, yes! Me too. You know this is my first time leaving the country?
CYNDEE: Oh you’re going to love it. Customs is a little tedious but after that it’ll be smooth sailing. I can smell Pina colada now. Okay you ready?
CAMEISHA: Yes yes yes, let’s go.
[They get in line for security. Cyndee notices the plastic bag.]
CYNDEE: What’s all that? Snacks? You can’t go through security with all that.
CAMEISHA: I don’t want to waste it. What do we do?
CYNDEE: We’ll just have to eat it. What’s in there?
CAMEISHA: A water, some M&M’s, and some *wink wink* gummies.
CYNDEE: Some gummies?
CAMEISHA: You know it, lady. We’re ready for vacaaaation.
CYNDEE: Nice give me some, I haven’t eaten all day. You remember how obsessed I was freshman year? I ate like a bag a day.
CAMEISHA: Right right. Well, those are a little different. Eyyyy.
CYNDEE: They do taste different. What kind are they?
CAMEISHA: Pot.
CYNDEE: Sorry what?
CAMEISHA: Pot. Those are pot gummies.
CYNDEE: Please tell me you’re kidding.
CAMEISHA: Is that a problem?
CYNDEE: I don’t do pot. I don’t handle it well.
CAMEISHA: Don’t worry, you’ll be okay- my dispensary is amazing. Look, they really hooked us up.
[She pulls out a whole bunch more.]
CYNDEE: Oh my god, we’re going to get arrested.
CAMEISHA: Calm down, it’s California you can bring pot anywhere.
CYNDEE: Not the airport. You can’t fly to another country with drugs.
CAMEISHA: Oh shit.
CYNDEE: Quick. Get rid of it.
CAMEISHA: Where? We’re in the middle of the line and there is no trash can…
CYNDEE: Ohhhh my god. (She points) There is a security sniffing dog!
CAMEISHA: Oh shit. What do we do?
CYNDEE: I don’t know!
[CAMEISHA eats a handful of gummies.]
CYNDEE: What are you doing?
CAMEISHA: Problem solving. Help me.
CYNDEE: No way, I’m already going to be so messed up.
CAMEISHA: At this point we’ve both got THC in our system so if that dog catches up to us and we’ve still got these in hand we’re both screwed.
[CAMEISHA presses gummies into CYNDEE’s face.]
CYNDEE: Shit.
[They stuff their faces with gummies. A security guard walks by. Their cheeks are full.
They nod, pretend nothing is wrong. The security guard is gone.
They are exasperated.]
CYNDEE: I will never forgive you for this.
CAMEISHA: That’s what you always say.
CYNDEE: I’m serious. This is worse than when you made me go Florida.
CAMEISHA: I thought it would be a fun thing to do on your birthday.
CYNDEE: What about me says “Daytona 500”, Cameisha?!
CYNDEE: Stuff like this doesn’t happen with any of my other friends.
CAMEISHA: Your other friends are boring.
CYNDEE: They are not boring.
CAMEISHA: They spend all their time around children.
CYNDEE: They’re elementary school teachers, that’s kind of the point. Oh shit-
CAMEISHA: What?
CYNDEE: I can feel it kicking in.
CAMEISHA: That was fast.
CYNDEE: Oh I hate this. I hate being out of control.
CAMEISHA: Yeah sure.
CYNDEE: What is that supposed to mean?
CAMEISHA: Just forget it.
CYNDEE: No, what?
CAMEISHA: You always do this. You start out wound up like a clock but you know what? You secretly love it. And I think you ate those gummies on purpose-
CYNDEE: I did n-
CAMEISHA: Come on. There is a reason that you and I always vacation together. I am the Tiffany Haddish to your Regina Hall. The Felix to your Oscar. We bring out the best in each other and you love it.
CYNDEE: We do have fun together…
CAMEISHA: Exactly. Just let go and enjoy it. You’re my best friend. I promise, I’ll take care of you.
CYNDEE: You promise?
CAMEISHA: You’ll be fine.
[CAMEISHA steps forward in the security line. CYNDEE doesn’t move – suddenly very high.]
CAMEISHA: Cyndee, come on you’re holding up the line.
CYNDEE: But what if they notice that we’re high?
CAMEISHA: Just be yourself.
CYNDEE: How do I do that? My legs don’t work anymore.
CAMEISHA: Just do one foot then the other.
CYNDEE: Legs are fuckin’ cool.
CAMEISHA: One foot – two foot.
CYNDEE: I can’t move.
CAMEISHA: You can, I promise. Come on, just like this.
[She demonstrates – casual.
Cyndee tries. She looks like a sloth.]
CAMEISHA: Cyndee, watch me – just try and do exactly what I’m doing.
[Cameisha tries again. She slows down.
They both stop. They stare at each other.]
CYNDEE: You’re my best friend.
CAMEISHA: Same, girl. Very same.
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