Expressing Gratitude? In this Economy?
But really. Thank You.
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In addition to being a holiday founded because of a whole lot of white mess, Thanksgiving can sometimes be a cute moment. The idea of creating a holiday around gratitude is very progressive and #selfcare of our forepeople. I love to imagine young Priscilla Mullins pulling up for that first celebratory dinner (probably stunting pretty in a sleek new bonnet from an artisan cap maker she found while just chilling at the market with her friends) and interrupting the male-dominated crowd with a suggestion that they, “go around the table and all say something they’re super grateful for.” And, before the menfolk put the kibosh on it, continuing. “I’m grateful for my family, of course, but also for the fact that humidity has finally chilled out; my hair was so frizzy!” Then, a young Mother Bear (name inspired by Mother Bear / Anita Peters of the Mashpee Wampanoag people) stands up and is like, “I vibe. I’m grateful for this harvest and for this stunning new venison-leather cape I’ve been twirling in all day; it’s so warm, and I feel glamorous.”
And that is how we got Thanksgiving.
Okay, so obviously, I am a nightmare. Still, I genuinely believe in the power of gratitude, and I am very appreciative of those women who (more than probably) helped establish one of the few healthy traditions that USAmericans carry on today.
For me, gratitude is essential for a lot of reasons. For one, it’s a powerful tool in managing ongoing anxiety and depression, both of which I am no stranger. A simple acknowledgment of what is good can have an indescribable impact on my perception of my circumstances. Perhaps most importantly, though, gratitude is important because it is about recognizing and validating the other. In our culture, we often live day-to-day with our primary focus on the self, so opening our eyes and recognizing the efforts, actions, magics, beauties, and powers of those around us is pretty rare. To be simple, we take a lot for granted! That’s not a judgment, just an objective truth.
I like to be conscious of this by acknowledging things I see others doing with a specific thanks, even if it is small. Like when my husband Blaine woke up at the crack of dawn on Monday to bring the car in for new tires. To me, that was a huge act of service, and I want him to know just how much it means to me that he completed that task. Thank you for doing that, I know you didn’t want to, but it means a lot! Or when the bus driver drops me off at Port Authority. Sure, that’s their job, but the bus driver is sitting up there all alone and managing to haul like ninety people in a four-ton iron tube, and they should know that I am grateful for in 1) getting me where I need to go, and 2) doing it safely. Thank you for getting us here safely! Or when someone reaches out to schedule a date, instead of me having to take the first step. Rochel is good about this, and I like to think we trade-off with initiation because we both like to be asked sometimes. It’s nice to be thought of, and it can be overwhelming always to keep a relationship flowing as the planner. Thank you for asking me first, and I’ll do my best to be the one who does it next time!
Sometimes I like to take note of what a person does just by being themselves and thank them for that. Even when we don’t know it, we are all exhibiting behaviors and energies unique to the people around us. We learn from each other, and giving voice to that education can help our loved ones to harness their gifts for good.
My friend Monica lives her life with a strong sense of personal boundary, and she advocates for that when she needs space. I learn from that, and I’m grateful for it. Blaine has an unparalleled capacity for support for others; he often stands firm and holds space for everyone around him in their times of need. I learn from that, and I’m grateful for it. My brother Matt is a dreamer, and I don’t think he’ll ever stop working toward allowing the world to be more optimistic. I learn from that, and I’m grateful for it. Courtney and Gina are unabashedly driven and trusting of their gifts (like performance and healing) and never stop allowing themselves to improve. I learn from that, and I’m grateful for it. Tralen can create circumstance out of thin air; whoever he is with is guaranteed to feel special, and the event - even if it is as simple as a coffee - can feel like a celebration. I learn from that, and I’m grateful for it. Collin is a truth-finder; something about how he communicates and gives attention creates freedom and safety to be completely honest. I learn from that, and I’m grateful for it. Paul works hard and plays hard; he is one of the most accomplished people I’ve ever met, and he also freakin’ loves to dance! I learn from that, and I’m grateful for it. Roy is a sharer; he is always willing to spread his knowledge generously. I learn from that, and I’m grateful for it.
The truth is, absolutely everyone that I’ve ever met has something that makes them special and that one can learn from. That education is a gift, and we can be grateful for it.
Now, I know that not everyone has their way with words, and not everyone is in situations where they feel safe or comfortable speaking their hearts. But, if you can’t say it, perhaps you can show it some other way. I often refer back to the “5 Love Languages” when I can’t find the words or when words aren’t the best way to help a person know my appreciation. Instead of a rambling written newsletter, maybe I could send a gift. Or give a hug. Or spend some extra time one-on-one. Or take care of a few things on the task list. There are plenty of ways to show gratitude, and how it is done is less important than just that it is done.
Thanksgiving really could be a memorable holiday.
Just think, when was the last time you or one of your peeps interrupted a regular old Thursday dinner to make a specific note of something you loved or were grateful for? When it did happen, wasn’t it special? Did it change the energy of the moment? Did it make people feel good, validated, and generally more positive? Were you grateful for the gratitude?
Take a moment. What are you grateful for?
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